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| "Why are we here? When will Square stop making #$@% games like this?" |
Final Fantasy 13. Much to my shame I managed to play this thing through to the end. Linear walkways, no towns and no NPCs make this game a soulless vacuum. Lightning isn't half-bad as a female Cloud. This game has a piece of shit story about giant robo-gods controlling the world. Its pretty much rubbish written by the college comp-sci club on the back of a napkin while stoned out of their mnd. Damningly, the fight system avoids strategic decision making instead emphasizing twitch like mechanics. Logically Square decided to put together at least two more outings into this world. DO NOT PLAY THIS GAME, you have been warned.
Donkey Kong 64: This game marks a turning point for a number of games on the N64 into the gotta-collect-them-all mentality of games like Donkey Kong 64. There were so many colored coconuts, bannanas, map pieces, fuzzy tulips, flavored grass and euphemisms for assorted drug paraphanelia to collect in games like this, that gamers started getting tired of the whole genre.
Starcraft 2: 10 years in development and this strategy game gets almost no changes. When Starcraft was first released it was an awesome chance to play free multiplayer online, with a compelling story and amazing cinematics. Then Blizzard decided to wait ten years to make very few changes to the game, even keeping the same number of races, but splitting the game into three full-price installments (read: cash grab). Even the story and cinematics are forgettable. Did I mention 10 years in development?
Dragon Age 2: Epic gritty RPG gets a sequel except the sequel leaves out the role-playing part. You're forced to play a British accented, WASPy-esque human who comes with his own family. They even decide on your last name. Why not just go the full Final Fantasy route and play an on-rails JRPG experience than a lukewarm wannabe RPG with forgettable sidequests and a dull main story.
Dishonored. If you play this on stealth you will be bored out of your mind. The game warns you that more kills will result in a worse ending and a more chaotic (read: rat infested) world. So naturally you avoid kills and avoid detection, except all the cool new powers the game offers aren't oriented for stealth. Summoning a murderous rat horde, windblasts, shadowkills and so on are useless in a stealth oriented play. Blinking just doesn't cut it for 10 odd missions, nor does the one stealth oriented weapon, tranquilizer darts. The game is just not built for the way it was allegedly designed to play. Its no metal gear solid or even splinter cell and leads to a less than interesting experience if you play it as a stealth game. Yet it still managed to be game of the year for tons of major websites. Play this as an action game, or don't play it at all.
